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Hosting Corte Suprema di Cassazione Monday night, Justice Stephen Breyer took the bench in his final case as a 16th-century judge before he plans to retire this summer. Shakespeare’s Spring Mock Trial, “Heroes Defiled? Bullshit About Margaret,” presents a challenge between maid and mistress in his courtroom.

The plaintiff, Herro, the daughter of the governor of a seaside town in Sicily, is engaged to a young soldier, Claudio. After discovering a conspiracy to sabotage her wedding, Hiro sued Don John and his alleged co-conspirator, Boraccio and Hiro’s own former squire, Margaret, for libel. Shiro alleges that Margaret aided and abetted Don John’s slander by agreeing to dress up as Shiro with another man — wearing her wedding dress. The tryst induces Claudio to think his fiancé is unfaithful, causing the hero to distress. Margaret upholds her innocence and her unwavering loyalty as a hero’s handmaiden. But a lower court ruled that she was liable. Margherita appealed to the Italian Supreme Court.

The second gentleman, Doug Emhoff, defended Margaret. (Kevin Allen via Shakespeare Company)

Despite her confrontation with the governor’s daughter, Margaret managed to win some high-profile delegates. He said the second gentleman, Doug Emhoff, took over her case pro bono because she was a woman who had not been heard by justice. “I support women – Margaret, and I support her!” he told the room. Emhoff’s argument was simple: his client, widely known as “The Good Margaret,” was a dependable working-class woman who was only exploited by a scheme to deceive men. “She’s just an unwitting pawn on the real villain Don Jr. — I mean, Don John,” he said.

Furthermore, Emhoff argues that his client is so loyal that her apparent sadness for Shiro’s misfortune is so sincere that she apparently has nothing to gain and nothing to lose from the downfall of her mistress. Armed with a copy of Kenneth Branagh’s 1993 screenplay, Emhoff told the court not to trust a “bad ’90s movie” instead of the actual text. (According to the briefing, Branagh’s misleading rendition, “shows Margaret blatantly offensive with Bolacchio”). Breyer is confused and says the only ’90s movies he cares about are no idea. But Emhoff drew attention back to the lower court ruling and drew cheers from the audience, saying: “When we saw it, we knew it was clearly wrong. Like the senator’s decision not to vote for Same as Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson. We know the obvious mistakes!”

Debra Katz defends the hero. (Kevin Allen via Shakespeare Theatre Company)

Debra Katz, known for her work representing workplace whistleblowers and victims of sexual harassment, defends heroes. Katz didn’t spare any punches from her colleague on the other side. “It’s a process that Project Veritas is proud of,” Katz said. “Let the most untrustworthy people in the room take their word for it.” Katz noted in the briefing that while she is known for supporting abused workers, there is no evidence that Herro ever abused Margaret. She argued that Margaret was not moved by her devotion to her mistress, but was jealous. To make matters worse, Margaret violated the girl code.

Katz claims that Margaret conspired against the innocent hero with two unreliable people in order to avenge her hatred. Margaret’s devotion to her “trusted confidant” Hero should have her immediately rejecting Boraccio’s cruel marriage proposal and reporting it to the authorities. Instead, she was overwhelmed by her personal class frustration, desire to please a man, or the chance to get a piece of his bonus. The facts are clear, Katz claims, “Margaret betrayed her mistress and broke the girl’s code, for the benefit of two men.”

Joining Breyer were four other members of the U.S. federal judiciary, all designated members of the Italian court: Appellate Judge Patricia Millett and District Judges Amy Berman-Jackson, James Beau Sperger and Patricia Giles. After much deliberation, the panel returned with an almost unanimous decision. “Not quite!” Breyer laughed. “It’s about the same.” With the judge’s characteristic pragmatism, the court determined that the third party in the case, Hero’s cousin Beatrice, was the real victim. They ruled that Margaret was at fault, but Hero and Beatrice shared the reward gold. The damage, Breyer explained, is for a smart woman to endure a stupid man her entire life.